• mohd.shakib@smanik.com
  • December 23, 2016

A satire on Demon which has grabbed headlines for the past 1.5 months across media platforms.

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On a chilling winter night in Delhi, Fah was preparing to go to sleep. It was a hectic day. Campaigns and defending demonetization at each platform. So much so that he had to scream at own party workers todat to support the move.

Doorbell rings. Fah calls on his servant to open the door. Looks like they have all slept. Cursing them he goes to the door. Opens and sees Saheb. Welcomes Todi.

Fah: Sir aap itni raat gaye! Mujhe bula liya hota.

Todi: Aaj man kiya tumhare yahan aane ka.

Fah accompanies Todi to his drawing room.

Todi: Jara ek 100 rupees dena.

Fah: Kya hua sir.

Todi: Who driver ko dena hai, overtime.

Fah goes to his bedroom, looking for his purse. Can’t find 100 ruppes only 2000 rupee notes.

Fah: Saheb 2000 ka note hai.

Todi (shouts): Kya? Change nahin hai?

Fah: Sir who ATM se 2000 ke note nikal rahe hain.

Todi: Achcha. Jhootly aur Surjit to bol rahe all is well.

Fah (whispers): Aur kya bolenge bechare?

Todi: Kuch bole tum?

Fah: Nahin sir.

Todi: Ab bahar jao dekho manage karo driver ke paas.

Fah goes out and hands over 2000 note to driver. Driver is very happy, thinks lottery lag gayi. 2000 rupees overtime. Though he is thinking what I will do with this, might have to put it in locker.

Fah: 100 rupees le lo, aur baaki waapis karo.

Driver: Hum kahan se change layen sir. Hamare paas nahin hai. Aap check karo aapke paas hoga.

Fah looks for change in his pocket. Doesn’t get it.

Fah: Achcha rakh lo. Kal wapis kar dena.

Driver: Sir kal nahin ho payega.

Fah: Theek hai jab man kare wapis kar dena. Par karna zaroor.

Fah comes back in drawing room.

Todi: Ho gaya settle.

Fah: Haan sir.

Todi: Bhookh lagi kuch banwa do.

Fah: Sir naukar saare so gaye.

Todi: Uthao unhe.

Fah: Sir, not possible. Who bahut naaraaz hain. Last month ki salary nahin mili unhe.

Todi: Kyon? Online transfer karo. Cash less bano. PayTM karo.

Fah: Sir unke paas account nahin hai. Smartphone bhi nahin hai. Zyada kaam karwaya to hadtaal kar denge.

Todi: 99% India ke paas account hai. Inke paas kaise nahin.

Fah: Kisne bola?

Todi: Jhootly aur Surjit ne. Kahin paper mein aaya tha.

Fah (smiles).

Todi: Achcha, online order kar lo. Zomato hai na!

Fah: Tomato? Check karna padega.

Todi: You don’t know Zomato. Main poori duniya ko digital India, cash less India sikha raha hoon

Fah: Sir kabhi zaroorat nahin padi. Bahar ka khana swasthya ke liye haanikarak hai. I eat only home cooked or party canteen food.

Todi: Hmm. Ab kya karein.

Fah: Don’t worry sir, phone pe order karta hoon.

Fah calls up a restaurant located in a five star hotel and places order.

Fah: Kitna bill hua.

Hotel Employee: Sir, 6100.

Fah: Itna jyada, menu ke hisaab se, 4-4.5k hua.

Hotel Employee: Sir service tax aur charge bhi to hai. Will you pay by card or cash.

Fah: Credit card to politician ko koi deta nahin. Debit card blocked hai, wrong pin daala tha last time. Cash doonga.

Hotel Employee: Ok sir.

Fah: Achcha, tum 500-1000 ka note lega na.

Hotel Employee: No sir, sorry.

Fah (angrily): Sab log le raha. Tumhe kya karna hai. Dec. 30 se pehle jama kar dena bank mein.

Hotel Employee: Sir aaj se 5000 se upar bank mein jama nahin kar sakte. Bahut mushkil hoga. Jhooth ka tension.

Fah: Yeh kab hua?

Hotel Employee: Aaj.

Fah dejected hangs up. Comes back to drawing room.

Todi: Kar diya order. Khaman mangaya ya nahin.

Fah: Sir order place nahin hua. Aapke paas card ya cash hai.

Todi: Umm. Main purse nahin laaya. Kabhi zaroorat padti nahin.

Fah: Ab kya karein. Mere pass purane note pade hain.

Todi: Achcha.

Fah: Sir aapne yeh kya naya rule banaya 5000 wala.

Todi: Hmm. Jhootly aur Surjit ne suggest kiya.

Fah: Bataya bhi nahin. Main abhi tak apne purane note jama nahin karwaya ki bahut rush hai aaraam se jaunga.

Todi: Kya. You lazy bum! Kitne pade hain.

Fah: Check karna padega.

Todi: Talk to Surjit, koi raasta nikalega. Go cash less.

Fah: Jhootly ne sabko phansa diya. Usko bulata hun, he will pay for dinner.

Todi: Ok

Fah calls Jhootly. Jhootly wakes up.

Jhootly (sleepy mode): Kaun hai?

Fah: Main hoon. So gaye kya?

Jhootly: Aaankh lag gayi.

Fah: Mere ghar ke saamne ke bank mein abhi se log line laga rahein kal ke liye. Aur aap so rahe hain. Poore desh ko line mein khada kar aap so rahe hain.

Jhootly: No gain without pain.

Fah: Mere 500/1000 ke note bhi gaye.

Jhootly: Kaise?

Fah: Baad mein batata hun. Boss aaye hain. Unko bhookh lagi hai. Hamare paas paise nahin. Cash ya card le ke aao.

Jhootly: Abhi kaise. No driver and I don’t drive after operation.

Fah: Digital bano. Ola / Uber.

Jhootly: Ok

Jhootly puts down phone angrily.

Jhootly gets ready. He wonders how he will get transport. Drivers have gone home. Struggles to download Uber / Ola app. Hasn’t done ever. Needs to reach soon. So thinks he will take a taxi / auto. Anyways its near-by.

He steps out of his residence and takes a taxi.

The sardaar ji taxi wala recognizes Jhootly.

Taxi driver: Sir yeh note bandi kyon kiya. Public pareshaan hai.

Jhootly: Desh ke bhavishya liye. Bas kuch hi dino ki baat hai.

Taxi driver: Kitna kaala dhan mila?

Jhootly: Abhi chal raha hai. Cash less aur digital India goal hai.

Taxi driver: Bahut log mar gaye line mein.

Jhootly: Hmm. Desh ke bhavishya liye.

Taxi reaches Fah residence.

Jhootly: How much?

Taxi driver: 170 rupees.

Jhootly pulls out 2000 note and gives to taxi driver.

Taxi driver: Sir change nahin hai.

Jhootly: Kyun. Surjit ne bola all is well. 500 ke note kaafi circulation mein ho gaye.

Taxi driver: Aapko goli diya usne. Aapke paas kyu nahin 500 ka note. Wohi de do.

Jhootly: Uff. Main andar check karta hun.

Jhootly rings the doorbell. Fah opens the door.

Fah: Ah Jhootly bhai aa gaye.

Jhootly: Aapke paas 170 rupees hain. Taxi waale ko dene hain.

Fah: Nahin yaar change ki badi samasya hai.

Jhootly: Sab bakwaas hai. All is well. Kaafi change hai market mein.

Fah: Achcha. To aapke paas kyun nahin hai. Saare desh ko aap aur Surjit goli de rahe ho. Saheb ke image pe asar ho raha hai. UP mein kahin game ulta na pad jaaye.

Jhootly: Bhasan mat dijiye.

Jhootly goes back to taxi driver and hands over 2000 ka note.

Jhootly: Bhai mere office se kal 170 rupees le lena. Change nahin hai. Yeh 2000 ka note rakho abhi as security.

Taxi driver gets angry and rushes off giving gaali: Saalon ke paas khud change nahin hai, baakiyon ka kya haal hoga.

Jhootly and Fah enter the drawing room where Todi is waiting for them.

Todi: Jhootly yeh kya ho raha hai. Implementation itna chaupat. Public support kar rahi par patience lose kar rahi hai.

Jhootly: All is well sir. Jan 10 tak all will be normal.

Todi: Tumne to Dec. 30 bola tha pehle.

Jhootly: Sir India mein kabhi koi kaam time pe hua hai kya. 5-10 din aage peeche chalta hai.

Fah: Finance secretary ne Jan 15 kaha hai.

Jhootly: Thoda confusion hai.

Todi (angrily): Kitna confusion create kar diya. Mujhe to apni rating ki padi hai. Baba bhi uchal raha bahut aaj kal.

Jhootly: Sir aap chinta na karein all under control, 500 ke note bhi market mein aa gaye hai. ATM mein line kam hue hain.

Fah: Goli band karo. Tumhare paas hai 500 ka note. Maine to dekha bhai nahin. Itna bada chunav hai sir pe. Aapko kya hai. UP bahut important hai mere liye. Bihar ke baad UP mein haar hui to meri thoo thoo ho jayegi.

Todi: Thoo thoo hi nahin, naukri bhi jayegi.

Fah: Sahed maine aapka namak khaya hai. Yeh mera idea nahin tha.

Todi: Jhootly kitne paise wapis aa gaye bank mein.

Jhootly: 14 lakh crore CNBC bol raha hai.

Todi: CNBC? Vitt mantra tv channel ko quote kar raha hai. RBI kya bol raha hai.

Jhootly: Sir who thodi calculation mistake hai shayad, RBI reconcile jar raha hai.

Todi: Itne paise kaise wapis aa gaye. Tumne to bola tha 3-5 lakh crore nahin aayenge.

Jhootly: Haan sir who black money report mein dekha tha, yehi number tha.

Todi: Tumhara khud ka assessment kya hai.

Jhootly: Sir who to kiya nahin.

Todi gets angry.

Todi: Tumhe ye Mazak laga hai. Desh line mein laga hai. Log mar rahe hain. UP se report theek nahin aa rahi hai. 2019 ka mere sapne ka kya hoga.

Jhootly: Sir aap chinta na karein, tax department recover kar lega.

Todi: Kitne saal mein. Yeh goli bahar do mujhe nahin. Sara plan fail ho raha hai. Kuch karo.

Fah: Sir yeh kuch nahin kar sakte. Ab mujhe hi kuch karna hoga. Double counting ka rumour maine hi udwaya hai social media pe.

Todi: Saabash Fah. Tu hi mera hanuman hai. Agar UP gaya Jhootly tu to gaya.

Fah smiles.

Todi: Tu kyun has raha hai. Tub hi gaya agar UP gaya. I won’t tolerate incompetence.

Fah looks angrily towards Jhootly.

Jhootly (says to himself): Aaapko hi big bang karna tha kuch!

And they disperse.

 

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