Image Courtesy : www.deccanchronicle.com
My satirical writing, originally posted on Firstpost.
A day after Kangress party successfully re-installed it’s government in Sarunachal, Todi calls Fah.
Todi: Mote kya haal hai!
Fah: Godfather am fine.
Todi: Kitni bezatti karwaoge. Pehle Zuttarakhand. Ab Sarunachal.
Fah: Sorry sir. But this is all because of Jhootly. Thought he is a big lawyer. Subbu ne uski pol Khol di. He hasn’t fought any single big case.
Todi: Hmm. Bhool gaye tumhare Aur hamare cases usi ne lade they.
Fah: Sorry sir. UP mein aap dekhna hum sarkar bana ke rahenge. Yeh to chote mote states hain.
Todi: Chote mote state they to ungli kyun ki?
Fah: Sorry sir. Got a bit carried away by your target of Kangress Mukt Bharat. Relied too much on Jhootly.
Todi: Jhootly ko conference mein lo.
Fah calls Jhootly.
Fah: Sirji, Godfather is looking for you. Taking my class. I am putting you in conference.
Jhootly: I am at Fibal’s house. Can’t talk now.
Fah: What are you doing there?
Jhootly: Forming consensus on JST!
Fah: I am putting you in conference, can’t keep Saheb waiting.
Fah starts the conference call.
Fah: Sir, Jhootly is also now with us!
Jhootly: Good evening sir!
Todi: Yeh kya ho raha hai Jhootly bhai. Have you read the Sarunachal judgement?
Jhootly: Sir actually its very long 300+ pages. Have asked Sohtagi to make a summary and send.
Todi gets angry.
Todi: Aap abhi bhi us nalayak par bharosa kar rahe hain. Zuttarakhand mein bhi usne goof up kiya.
Jhootly: Ok sir I will personally read and let you know next weekend.
Todi: Ab to wahan sarakar bhi change ho gayi. Tum sab ke sab. Kya bolun!
Todi is furious.
Fah: Jhootly bhai aapne Facebook pe itna bada blog likha Zuttarakhand pe. How President Rule is justified? I didn’t understand. Nobody in party did. Neither the readers. But shocking to see that even courts didn’t understand! They junked your arguments.
Jhootly: Sir since it was a money bill…
Todi: Stop this nonsense. Itni thoo thoo ho gayi hamari. Agle saal chunav hain wahan pe. Fah jaldi kya thi. You can’t escape your responsibility.
Fah: Sir intelligence reports we might lose. Plus target pressure. Plus Jhootly convinced.
Todi: Then what happened in Sarunachal?
Fah: Sir this was a good opportunity to open account in North East. We were unsure of Assam win. Jhootly again presented his legal opinion that if Kangress rebels are backed by party we can do a coup.
Todi: Now Kangress has done a coup. Didn’t you know the rebels were being approached.
Fah: Sir intelligence failure. I was busy in UP. Banked on Himmatwala Sarma. His strategy failed.
Jhootly: Sir Supreme Court order is strange. It is flawed. It is academic. It is impractical.
Todi: Bakwaas band karo. Go and tell this in court. You can’t even manage some judges how will you gain consensus for JST!
Jhootly: Sir JST will be passed in this session. I am at friend’s Fibal place.
Todi: Fibal? And he is listening to our conversation.
Jhootly: No no sir. I am in washroom.
Todi: I warn both you guys. Mote, if we lose UP, you are gone. Remember you are a tadipar in Sujarat. I don’t know where you will go! Jhootly, if we don’t get JST passed. Game over for you!
Fah: Madir wahin banayenge sir!
Todi: Mandir chodo, chunav jeeto pehle.
Jhootly: JST will be passed in this session sir. I have spoken to Kangress leaders. You know they are my friends.
Jhootly: I mean, I know them through friends!
Todi: Jhootly drop out. I have to speak to Fah on preparations on UP.
Jhootly: Sir I also want to be part of those discussions.
Todi loses cool again.
Todi: Fah, who was our strategist for Delhi & Bihar?
Todi: Who was our strategist for Zuttarakhand and Sarunachal?
Todi: This chap never won an election. Lost in Todi wave. And now wants to become election strategist. Drop from the call.
Jhootly embarrassed drops from the call.
Todi: Fah, keep an eye on JST negotiations.
Fah: Sure sir.
Todi: For UP who is your CM candidate!
Fah: Sir we have many people capable of becoming CM of UP.
Todi: Mote, global gyan band kar. Be clear I don’t want to take blame. Bihar mein bahut thoo thoo hui.
Fah: Haan sir, meri bhi. Kisi na kisi ko bana denge. Madir to wahin banayenge.
Todi: Focus on elections.
Fah: I am constituting a 3 member committee to oversee UP.
Todi: Good. So you want to share the blame later.
Fah: No sir. Hmm. Me, Sajnath and Jhootly will be members.
Todi: Again Jhootly. Drop him from the committee.
Fah: Sure sir. But who will be third member?
Todi: Who is my biggest competitor in cabinet after Sajnath?
Todi: Make her a member.
Todi: Mote, agar UP haar gaye to 2019 ka sapna toot jayega. Meri izzat tumhare haathon mein hai. Kuch kar.
Todi: Yeh 75 maximum age of cabinet ministers aise thodi na banaya hai. My two terms easily covered till 20124, I will be 74.
Fah: Maan gaye sir! Main jaan laga dunga Saheb!
Todi: Sabash. Reminder: Keep Jhootly out of UP. And keep an eye on his friends.
Fah: Sure sir!
Todi: Sujarat ki kya khabar hai!
Fah: All under control.
Todi: Control my foot. Gardik got released.
Fah excitedly: And he becomes a tadipaar like me.
Todi: He is joining Sejri and PAAP I heard.
Fah: Kuch nahin hota sir. Waandan nahin.
Todi: Saale Dilli mein bhi tune yahi bola tha! Pull up your socks. CM is hobnobbing with Fanjany Ghoshi I heard !
Fah: Mere log unpe naar gadaye baithe hain.
Todi: Mote, agar Gujarat gaya, to tub hi gaya aur main bhi. Retirement plan bana lena.
Fah: Sir don’t worry. UP aur Sunjab pe full focus, then Gujarat.
Todi: Mote, teri akal bhains charane gayi. Sunjab chod, who to gaya. UP & Sujarat per focus kar.
Fah: Sure sir!
Todi: Did I tell you am going on a foreign tour next week.
Todi: What do you mena again?
Fah: Sir Mujhe bhi le chalo.
Todi: Bade elections hain. Aur saare jeetne hain. You know you are my hanuman. After Shok Sabha 2019 you can go !
Fah: Disappointed. Ok sir. Jaisa aap bolein.
Todi: Chinta mat kar, I will get you a good gift from abroad….