My satirical piece on Bihar Polls in MyFakingNews.
Bihar election is on full swing. As you call in local language “Mahaul garam ba, kucho kehna mushkil ba”. The win or loss in any polls is determined by the quality of the Karyakartas (party members) on the ground, how hard they work for their candidates and how motivated they are.
The Bihar elections has been a very long one. Campaigning started as early as August 2015. These Karyakartas are the real sluggers as the helicopter hopping top leaders barely touch the ground and make their hands dirty.
An arduously long elections, gloomy economic situation in the world, tight liquidity position has made the life difficult for these Karyakartas to survive. This is evident in the low turnout (compared to the high pitch elections).
RSS machinery (Karyakartas) reportedly didn’t work wholeheartedly for BJP candidates due to the rift between RSS and BJP in initial phases. Similarly stories afloat that JDU workers not working for RJD and vice-a-versa. The Karyakartas are like the media reporters on the ground who do all the work/ research while the star journalist sitting in air conditioned TV studios take all the claim.
This piece is a satirical take on the poor plight of Karyakartas across alliances. One morning before Phase 1 of the elections, some RSS karyakartas visited the BJP office in Patna and created a ruckus.
Karyakarta: When are our bills getting cleared? It’s getting increasingly difficult to manage.
BJP office bearer: Funds position is tight. Come next week.
Karyakarta: What tight? Leaders are roaming in helicopters. We are doing all the work on the ground and getting neglected. We have been running for weeks.
BJP office bearer: We haven’t been paid as well. Liquidity issue.
Karyakarta: We will complain to Amit Shah.
BJP office bearer: Sure do. Please plead for our case as well.
Next morning, Karyakartas reach State Guest House where Amit Shah was staying.
Karyakarta: We want to meet party president.
Gatekeeper: Sir is taking rest, got stuck in lift for more than half hour yesterday. Traumatized. Come another day.
Next Day Karyakartas reach guest house again.
Karyakarta: Where is sir? Go and tell him we want to meet.
Gatekeeper: Sir is out for rallies.
Karyakarta: Where to? How did he go? Didn’t you tell him about us?
Gatekeeper: Lagta hai helicopter se gaye hain.
Karyakarta (Curses): Saale yeh log helicopter se ghoom rahe hain! Aur hamare yahan khaane ke waande hain! By the way who is coming to listen to this Gujarati in Bihar? Does he know Bhojpuri?
By this time Phase 1 of Elections takes place. Reports of Gathbandhan doing well spreads like fire. Amidst this Modi calls Shah.
Modi: Amit bhai what’s the news? My izzat is in your hands? What’s this I am getting negative news?
Shah: Sir all is fine. I am trying my best. Mandir wahin banayenge!
Modi: What’s happened to you Amit? I am talking about Bihar not Ram temple.
Shah: Oh! Sorry sir! Still in rally mode. Aap chinta na karein we will sweep. Thoda RSS waale co-operate nahin kar rahe hain.
Modi: Kya hua!
Shah: Bills have not been cleared for Karyakartas.
Modi: Some funds issue!
Shah: No sir, time nahin mila, karwata hun.
Next day Shah calls Karyakarta sammelan.
Karykarta: Sir our payments are stuck for months! We can’t work like this while leaders enjoying in AC vans and helicopters.
Shah: Calm down. We will take care of everything. Aap log Hindutava ke liye balidan do. Lage raho. We will clear all your dues. We always have don’t worry! Busy in rallies. After Phase 2 there is a big break will get it done then.
Karyakarta: We can’t wait for that long. We have become broke. Free mein kaam nahin hota.
Shah to BJP office Bearer: Release them an ad hoc payment. Bhai log Jee jaan laga do. Haar Gaye to band baj jayegi! Meri kursi gayi samjho.
A set of RJD Karyakartas reach Lalu’s place to demand re-imbursements.
Karyakarta: Laluji se milna hai.
Gatekeeper: Sit. He is milking a cow.
Lalu: Ka hai Bhai itni bheed kyun hai! Subah-Subah. Chalo bhago yahan se. Campaign karo.
Karyakarta: Sir we need some funds. Very high inflation difficult to meet ends.
Lalu: That’s why I had said don’t vote for Modi. Daal 200 Rs kg. GDP growth / FDI ka anchar daaloge Kya!
Karyakarta: Sir aap rally mein nahin bol rahe hain! We are your supporters.
Lalu: Burbak! Tum log saala Kabhi paas nahin hua phir Bhi sarkari naukri mila. Aur humse Paisa mangta hai. Jao bhago yahan se! hato!
Rabri enters hearing the noise.
Rabri: Kaa ji kya halla kiye hain subah subah.
Lalu: Dekho yeh log paisa mangta hai. Are hum 10 saal se Sarkar mein nahin hain. Kahan se paisa dein. Center mein bhi kaafi dino se bahar hai.
Rabri: Bachcha log hai kuch kariye na.
Lalu: Achcha aap log Nitish ke pass jao I will talk to him. Bhai jara in logon ko doodh / lassi do. Itna to hum kar hi sakte hain.
RJD Karyakartas reach Nitish office next day.
Karyakarta: Nitish ji se milna hai.
Gatekeeper: Lalu ji aaj kal Nitish ji se nahin mil paate, aap kahan se miloge.
Karyakarta: Lalu ji ne baat ki hai Nitish ji se. Aap batao unko.
Karyakartas get inside to meet Nitish.
Nitish: Why are you guys shouting, creating a ruckus? This is not jungle raj.
Karyakarta: Laluji has sent us for some financial assistance. RJD party funds have finished and we are penniless. How are we expected to campaign.
Nitish: Are bhai hum kahan se paise de aapko. Laluji to sara chara kha gaye aur khajana khali kar diya. Jab se BJP se alag hue bada crunch hai! Lo chana khao.
Karyakarta: Hum log kya Karen sir!
Nitish: Go to Rahul. I will speak to him. It’s a big party.
Karyakartas next day reach Rahul office in Patna. He was there for a rally. They find nobody on the gate and enter directly. Inside they see Rahul speaking to himself.
Rahul: Yeh jo suit boot ki Sarkar hai, aapne kabhi socha ki yeh kurta pyjama kyon nahin pahente hain. Kynki uska naada dheela ho sakta hai aur patloon gir sakta hai.
4-5 chele sitting on mat start clapping.
Karyakarta: Sir Nitishji has sent us.
Karyakarta: Sir we need some funds for election campaign. Our party RJD is kangaal. Nitish also doesn’t have any money.
Rahul: Yeh jo suit Boot ki Sarkar hai, usne hamare suit boot wale jeejaji ki funding kaat di hai. Humein barbaad kar diya hai. This S. Swamy has ensured that nobody gives us any loan even. Even my mother has cut my allowances on the advice of old useless leaders in party. What should I do?
Rahul: And why is Lalu asking money from us. Why didn’t he come to my rally? Such a thin gathering. My image (what so ever is left) has taken a beating. I won’t help him. Not that I can.
RJD karyakartas return dejected. Some decide to continue to campaign and recover if Gathbandhan comes to power. Some decide to cut their losses and drop.