• mohd.shakib@smanik.com
  • May 30, 2016
images (3)

My satirical piece in MyFakingNews.

New Delhi. A day after Sharad Yadav was unseated from President post of Janata Dal United and Nitish occupied the chair, Sharad called his old time guide Advani to seek his guidance. Excerpts from the conversation.

Sharad: Namaste sirji.

Advani: Namaste, namaste. Kaise hain. Kaafi Dino Baad yaad Kiya.

Sharad: Aapko to Pata hai ki Nitishwa Ke chakkar mein NDA se bahar ho gaye. Kis muh se phone Karun aapko.

Advani: Woh toh humhi bole they usko, phir bhi Modi jeet gaya kya Karein bura time hai.

Sharad: Humne pura Zor lagaya tha!

Advani: Abe kya Zor lagaya tha 2 seat aaye Bas JDU ko. Bhool gaye! Lalua ko pehle pakad lete to 25-30 seat Kam aate Modi ko. Phir Hamara chance banata.

Sharad: Hmm

Advani: Achcha bolo kyun phone Kiya!

Sharad: Sir aapko khush khabari deni hai! Hum aapki tarah party ke margdarshak chune gaye hain!

Advani: Umm!

Sharad: Ab hum Nitishwa ko guidance denge aur 2019 mein Ek Shashakt alternative Pesh karenge. Aapka aashirwaad chahiye.

Advani: Hmm. Kya bole humein to kuch samajh nahin aa raha hai!

Sharad: Hum pehli baar margdarshak bane hain. Aap to do saal se mentor hain. Thoda guide kariye kya karein.

Advani (loses his cool): Are bewakoof banaya Nitishwa aapko. Aapki rajnitik career ka shav yatra nikal diya usne. Aapko retire Kar diya!

Sharad (scratching head): Matbal?

Advani: Ee Nitishwa bahut shaana hai. Din bhar Modi ko gaali deta hai aur Saare tricks usi ki copy karta hai!

Sharad: Kya aap ko retire kar diya Modi ne. Hum to soche bada samman diya aapko aur Joshi ji ko.

Advani (starts crying): Ghanta Samman! Aaj tak saala ek meeting nahin hua Uska margdarshak mandal ke saath. Koi topic par Hamara Baat nahin sunta hai. Infact ulta karta hai. Jab bhi meeting ke liye date mangta hun to woh videsh bhraman pe hota hai ya toh rally Kar raha Hota hai Chunav mein. Baaki time jo bachta hai usme Mann ki Baat karta hai, hamare liye koi time nahin. Ee pura party hum banaye hain. Pehle Vajpayee chance le gaye. Abki baar Modi.

Sharad (consoling Advani): Bahut bura hua sir aapke saath.

Advani (rattled): Are Hamari Chodo apni socho.

Sharad (gets emotional): Ee Lalua theek bolta tha. Nitishwa pe Vishwas mat karna. Aakhir hamara jaat Bhai hai.

Advani: Hmm

Sharad: Kitna offer aaya party todne ka BJP se. Tod dena tha.

Advani: Achcha. Aapke paas MLA to they nahin, party todne ki baat Karte hain.

Sharad: Manjhi aaya tha hum re paas, usko support kar dete toh aaj mantri hote Modi sarkar mein.

Advani: Guuda chahiye Uske liye jo aapke paas nahin hai.

Sharad: Achcha Ek idea aaya hai, kyun NA hum Ek party banaye Margdarshak party.

Advani: Bête raat badi ho gayi do peg Johny Walker ke maar aur so jaa. 65% aabaadi 35 years se kam ki hai India ki. Humein kaun vote dega.

Sharad: Hmm. Sir Nitishwa prohibition laga diya hai. Saala Khud nahin peeta hai toh ban laga diya. Tej bête ko phone karta hun kuch jugad Karega.

Advani: Theek hai. Good night. Meri Mano to chup raho Jyada uchlo nahin. Jaise hum chup hain. Rajya Sabha ki ticket ke Lo phir 6 saal ke liye free ho jaayo.

Sharad: Correct Sirji! Apka Presidentship ka kya hua. Suna Modi badmashi kar raha hai.

Advani: Haan. Kar to raha hai. Lekin yeh post to main ke kar rahunga. Nahin to Gujarat Chunav mein BJP ko harane ka kaam Karunga.

Sharad: Aapke paas itne voter hain Gujarat mein?

Advani: Koi shak?

Sharad: Nahin sir. Aaj Modi – Amit Fah aapki pakayi hui roti hi to sek rahe hain.

Advani: Hmm. Chalo Hamara time Bhi aayega. We will come back.

Sharad: Yes we will come back.

Advani: Delhi aao to milna, baithte hain bade din ho gaye.

Sharad: Sure sir. See you!

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